Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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