Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
