Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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