You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
