I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
operation have a gay friend backfired
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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