So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
