i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
