so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
