he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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