Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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