it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
