Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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