She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My life is pants optional.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
