Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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