I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
