Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
