A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
