i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
