Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
