My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
