I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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