I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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