He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
