remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Randomize
