If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
