my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You ruined the universe
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
