just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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