listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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