You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Can I color on your dick again?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
