This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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