she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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