ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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