i love accidental penises.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
