Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
