I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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