I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
