tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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