I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
