i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
3 2 1 whiskey
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
