is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
