I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
tell your sister to shave her snatch
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
