Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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