Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
