Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
