i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
