So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
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