too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
