hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just cut my nipple shaving
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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