she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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