When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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