yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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