she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
