I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
